Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Spring Break

Well now I am formally in Spring Break... yes, according to the University Calendar the Spring Break is only from March 1~8, so I dont know how they call all the holydays we had from February till now... :p

Yes, it has been definitely a long holyday... probably the first long holyday I've actually spent without going to math olympics, travelling, or working, except for the half a year long break I took after graduating from high school before coming to Japan. So I cannot say it hasn't been great to have free time, sleep until late, go out or just stay at my room all day long, but somehow I feel I've lost the impulse and the motivation to do things, I had like this long list of things I wanted to do during my free four weeks (studying german, portuguese, doing some vegan advocacy leafleting, working out, reading some books, etc etc...) but in the end the four weeks went by without me even noticing and I end up doing nothing, which doesnt make me feel very good... hummmm. Definitely not good.

I dont know, I guess the last months I have been trying to figure out myself too much and I kind of forgot to figure out my life as well... I guess I need to have a balance of both. Have to have more control over my time and the things I do. But then it all starts with having somewhere I want to go, which I guess I've lost while I've been here in Japan. I really need more motivation for my career, my studies, I remember how enthusiastic I was about it when I was back in Colombia, going to help out at seminars, reading things by myself and stuff, but I guess being in Japan makes me feel so far from what I want to do that all those dreams started to feel too far away as well. I really want classes to start again, maybe that way I'll get some more motivation to think about my goals again. Cause it will be only two years till I graduate and I kind of have to figure out what I want to do after that... stay in Japan for the Master degree, go somewhere else to study (probably NZ?), or going back to Colombia... well I guess I kind of know what I want to do... but at the same time there is so many things I'll like to do back in Colombia that I really dont think I can figure it out by myself. It does depend on other things as well I guess.

Anyway I think like they say "too much play..." I have just kind of lost my destination during this four weeks holydays. And I guess I should start writing again all my thoughts, it really helps (not in the blog of course...).
It is not like I regret this last 4 weeks, I've really enjoyed them, going out with friends, meeting new people, thinking more about myself, experiencing and feeling new things, talking with old friends and all, I really needed to enjoy each moment more and be more open, but like I said I guess I also need balance, and need to remember what my dreams and goals are. And I definitely need to go back to be more active because I really feel I'm not doing anything for the causes I believe in. Go out and do some free-hugging, some vegan advocacy leafleting, do some environmental work, I really need to feel I'm using my life to help a cause, I guess it's the best way to make you enjoy every day even more.

One thing I have learned during this four weeks I guess is the value and importance of friendship and being there for each other, and I really have to thank my friends for being who they are, and being there for me, listening to me, understanding me, making me feel more comfortable and be more open, for trusting me, sharing their life with me, sharing experiences, moments and making me laugh. It is kind of sad to think that all of my friends are or will be all around the world, far away, and it will be difficult to see each other, so once again I feel the importance of enjoying every moment I can share with them, and try not to think so much about how our roads will propably go different ways in the future... It is really hard to study abroad when you think about this, but then I wouldnt have met all this great people or experience all the things I have, so it is in the end a great opportunity we have to take out the most of, not letting the distance or the lack of motivation forget why we end up coming here, and where do we want to go...

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